Class 10 – Responding to Questions & Reports

Questions, Answers, and Checks

Julianna Raye and Don McCormick, Ph.D.

Part 1: Questions and Answers

There are three main skills when it comes to answering questions:

fully understanding the question, 2. managing your reactions to the question, and 3. answering the question fully.

This reading is primarily about understanding and answering questions, but a lot of it also applies to eliciting and responding to reports of meditators’ experiences.

Skill #1: Fully Understanding the Question Fully understanding a question often means that you need to Check to understand the real question (or questions) being asked. These are described in more detail in the reading on Checks. Sometimes people don’t know the question they are really asking. Other times they are asking 3 or 4 questions at once.

When you are asked a question, it is a good idea to restate or paraphrase the question and then ask if your paraphrase is correct. You don’t need to exactly capture what they meant. If you’re off, they will correct you, and the person will likely appreciate that you asked.

Be sensitive to the different meanings of words—especially when someone uses jargon or a technical term. There are often different meanings attached to the same term. For example, the meditation teacher Culadasa uses the term “awareness” in a different way than we use it in UM. If a person uses a term in a way that is different than you would, ask them to say more about what they mean.

Be aware of the degree of interest the person is expressing in their experience. If a person says, “That was interesting” about a particular experience, that is usually an indication that during it they had fairly high levels of concentration, clarity, and equanimity. If a person has found their experience unsettling, you may be able to detect that in their voice, body

language or facial expression. Noticing these details can help you foster an empathic connection with students or clients.

During this phase of answering questions, if you keep in mind that your goal is to understand their question fully, it will help to keep your responses on track. Take your time drawing out the student and steadily gathering data. Through this process alone, many questions answer themselves.

Skill #2: Managing Your Reactions The second skill at answering questions is managing yourself. There are two aspects to this.

One, it is important to maintain equanimity with your reactions to a question—especially if your initial emotional response is anger, contempt, frustration, or some other negative emotion.

Two, try to radiate from the place about which you are talking. If you are talking about the “feel good” technique, try to practice it at the same time.

Skill #3: Answering the Question Fully and Kindly It is important to answer questions fully, so that the asker is satisfied (and so are you). This is particularly important to remember when you encounter hostile, defensive, or confrontational questions. The person asking the question may have an agenda—such as making you look bad so they look good. When this happens, the way to handle this is to:

ignore their agenda, 2. answer their question fully and with genuine kindness, and 3. repeat as needed.

It is difficult for someone to maintain hostility when a teacher answers their question, without malice and with kindness.

Teaching itself can be a form of kindness. It is especially important to be kind to others when they are asking questions because it makes them vulnerable (to appearing stupid or silly, for example). Also, be kind to yourself because answering a question makes you vulnerable (perhaps to concerns of looking stupid or ignorant) as well.

People are particularly vulnerable when they ask questions that they fear are stupid or silly. These questions are usually basic or fundamental questions. Answer them in a way that people feel good for having asked. “That’s not a stupid question. It’s a basic question and those are important to ask.”

Answering questions is an opportunity to highlight the person’s innate wisdom. From a certain perspective, people are having insight constantly, but they are in the habit of dismissing or overlooking the insight they are actually having in favor of an idea they have

about what insight looks like. Help people recognize more clearly the insight they are actually having by responding to their question in a way that highlights the person’s own sense of discovery.

Messages and Metamessages When someone asks you a question, it is a mistake to always think that the resulting conversation is primarily about you responding to the content of their question. That’s because every interaction has two levels—the message and the metamessage.

The message you give is conveyed by the meaning of the words you use.

The metamessage is about your relationship with the person. It’s conveyed by words but also by your intonation, gestures, and other forms of nonverbal communication. For example, you might see Jane and say with a smile, “Hi. It’s nice to see you.” The message is that it is nice for you to see Jane, and the metamessage is that of friendliness. Or, you might say, “Hi Jane. It’s really great to see you.” You may say it with a sarcastic tone of voice and a facial expression of contempt. In this situation, the message is contradicted by the metamessage, and Jane doesn’t believe the message.

When someone asks us a question, they are sending a message and a metamessage. A hostile question is often one where the metamessage is an attempt to define your relationship with each other as warlike. “Why are you using all this weird jargon? Why don’t you just use plain language?” Emotions are contagious and it’s natural to react to someone’s emotional tone with one that is similar. When someone asks a hostile question, it’s natural to have hostile reactions in response, such as defensiveness, anger, or contempt.

When you get a hostile question, the first step in responding involves maintaining equanimity with your reactions to the other person’s attack. That takes a fair amount of practice, but it’s worth it because equanimity allows you to change the emotional tone of your response. If your metamessage conveys respect, kindness, understanding, and a genuine desire to answer the person’s question, they are likely to become less hostile.

Beware of the Curse of Knowledge Experts find it hard to imagine what it is like to be a beginner—to be someone who doesn’t have all the knowledge that they do. That’s called the curse of knowledge. It often interferes with answering questions or teaching in general. This is a common problem with all types of teaching. For example, Don was trying to teach his mother-in-law how to use her new computer and he used the word “icon.” She pointed out that she didn’t know what one was. It had never occurred to him that she wouldn’t know what an Icon was. Mindfulness teachers are equally susceptible to the curse of knowledge and often use terms that their students don’t understand—like “flow” or “equanimity.” It’s hard for them to take the

perspective of someone new to mindfulness—someone who doesn’t know what even basic terms like “mindfulness” or “sensory clarity” mean.

So, although it may be difficult, it’s important to assume that people are not as familiar with what you are teaching as you are. It’s also a good idea to assume that your students may not remember what you taught them in the past. People often don’t remember what you taught them last week or even yesterday—especially if you just talked about it and they don’t have a handout or something else they can refer to. Don’t balk at reminding them of information that you’ve already presented, when you need to.

So when you’re answering a question, remember the level of experience and the familiarity with Unified Mindfulness of the person you are talking to.

Questions About Concepts The curse of knowledge is often a problem when you are introducing new concepts. When you’re doing this, it’s a good idea to give lots of examples. People learn concepts more easily when examples are given.

Also, when you’re explaining a new idea or technique, speak in plain language when possible. If you must use technical terms (or jargon) that they’ve heard before, remind them of the meaning.

“I Don’t Know” Remember that “I don’t know” is a legitimate answer. It keeps your relationship with your audience genuine. There are four versions of “I don’t know.”

“I don’t know” 2. “I don’t know but I have a conjecture” 3. “I don’t know but this is something someone I respect said” 4. “I don’t know but I’ll find out and get back to you”

All of the above are better than pontificating, that is, conveying an answer that you think is right but you don’t know is right from your experience.

Not a War or a Chore, but a Game Instead of treating answering questions as being like war or as a chore, treat it as a game. Often people assume that answering questions is like being in a war with the questioner—where the object is to defeat (that is, convince) them of your point of view. Or, where the person answering the questions may feel intimidated or “put on the spot” by you. Others treat answering questions as a kind of chore.

If you see your relationship not as one of warlike or adversarial conflict between you and the person asking the question, but as two people communicating and connecting with one another, the whole interaction changes. There is one exception to this, though. You can still see your task in terms of conflict, though instead of seeing the other person as the enemy, you make the enemy any breakdown in communication, and try to defeat that.

Also, answering questions becomes more enjoyable if you don’t regard it as a chore, but instead see it as a game—like chess. This can make challenges fun.

Getting better at answering questions is like getting better at playing a game. There are a limited number of common questions about mindfulness and UM gives you lists of ten common questions about various techniques. Hone your answers to the basic questions, and if your audience or client doesn’t understand your answer, think of what you could do better next time.

Part 2: Checks

Checks are a tool that you can use to learn about a person’s experience and behavior. Checks are essential for both teacher and student. They help you to understand a question or report, which enables you to provide optimal support and give an informed and thorough answer. Checks can be a way to draw out a student. But Checks can also be a way to more clearly understand your students. So, the first goal of a Check is to help you to fully understand the question, report or situation that your student is describing.

Checks can give you information that will help you to answer questions. There are questions that are directly related to people’s experience in the moment, such as, “X happened, what do I do?” and there are questions that are indirectly related, such as, “What is the relationship between UM and this other thing I do?” or, “How is this relevant for some situation I struggle with?” For example, someone might ask how UM techniques relate to yoga. As you investigate that question, ultimately it’s ideal to frame your answer in terms of their experience. So, you can Check to discover what the person actually does when they practice yoga. When the person describes what they do—maybe focusing on a drishti (point of focus)—you can point out how that would be addressed in the framework of UM (narrow focus range on a particular object, etc.) In any case, you can apply the checking process to yield a meaningful response.

Nine Types of Checks 1. The General Check

This is a simple opening question to begin the conversation and see what information a person may volunteer without prompting. General Checks reduce the chance that your

own biases lead the conversation in a particular direction, because they allow the student or client to steer the course of it. However, if they respond with too little information, then it’s appropriate to dig into their report with specific Checks that are directive.

General Checks may take the form of simply asking the client:

How was that?
So, tell me how that went.
Anything you’d like to share about that experience?

An example of when the General Check might be used is when you guide someone on a tour of their senses. Afterward, you can ask, “How did that go for you?”

2. The Hedonic Check

This Check explores the degree to which the person experienced pleasant, neutral or unpleasant sensory phenomena as they practiced?

The Hedonic Check helps determine whether a client’s meditation experience is pleasant, unpleasant, both, or neither.

An example of when the Hedonic Check might be used: A person has just finished a practice period and you need a basic starting point to draw them out about their experience. So, you ask “was that pleasant, unpleasant, both or neither.”

3. The Content Check

This is used to determine the sensory content of a person’s experience. Content Check questions are related to the divisions and subdivisions of Shinzen’s taxonomy of sensory experience.

This Check may take the form of asking a client whether their experience was:

visual, auditory, somatic or some combination of these.
primarily inner focused or focused on outer experience
mostly active or restful,
flowing or stable
spacious or dense

An example of when the Content Check might be used: Someone reports that their mind was busy during the meditation. You ask, “Were you mainly noticing visual thoughts, auditory thoughts or both?”

4. The Technique Check

This is used to determine if the individual understands the set of instructions for a given technique. Do they know how to do it and what the parameters are?

This Check depends on the technique that the client is practicing. Here is a list of things that the Technique Check could help establish about their meditation experience. Does the client understand:

What it means to divide sensory experience into See, Hear, Feel?
The concept of the focus range?
Basic techniques such as noting?
Mindfulness subtleties such as the passive or active stance of attention?
Zooming options?
Etc.

An example of when the Technique Check might be used: You ask your client to demonstrate labeling and as they note, they use full sentences to describe what they are noting.

5. The Skills Check

This determines the level that an individual’s skills are operating overall and individually.

The Skills Check helps discern the client’s level of:

Concentration
Clarity
Equanimity
All three of the above

An example of when the Skills Check might be used: Someone reports that they are finding practice frustrating—they keep getting distracted by a jackhammer outside their window.

6. The Windows and Walls Check

This is a Check for opportunities & obstacles in a person’s practice. Did they encounter any experience that they found particularly rewarding or interesting? Did they encounter any experience they found particularly challenging? The purpose of this Check is to determine appropriate strategy options to offer the student.

Windows and Walls Checks can help determine:

Whether their experience was pleasant vs unpleasant
If their level of CC&E was high, medium, or low
The way they interpret their experience or their understanding of how to do the technique. For example:

○ I could feel my pulse all over my body and it freaked me out.

○ Experience kept disappearing when I tried to focus on it—what am I doing wrong? ○ I couldn’t get any images.

Insight or aha moments. For example:

○ I noticed that when I hear a sound I get an image

○ When I noticed the blank mental screen my body got more deeply relaxed ○ I could hear sounds in my environment I never noticed before

An example of when the Windows and Walls Check might be used: A person asks whether an unusual sensation they’re noticing would be considered emotional or physical. It is determined that the person is experiencing pleasant vibratory flow, which is physical—unless it’s obviously emotional to them at that time.

7. The Definition Check

This is a good Check to apply when a student uses a word or term that is ambiguous, has more than one meaning, or can be interpreted more than one way. This Check helps answer the question—what does a student mean when they say a particular word or term? For example, when a student says “mindfulness” what is their understanding of what that term means?

8. The Situation Check

In this Check you explore what situation(s) a student is interested in addressing through applied techniques. For example, a student might say “I’d like to quit smoking” or “I have chronic pain.”

9. The Past Attempts Check

When a person has described a problem, this is often a good Check to use first.

What have you tried to fix this problem?
What techniques have you tried?
Have you tried X technique? (e.g., vocal labeling, See Hear Feel, etc.)

More About Checks Checks work cooperatively. A Hedonic Check about pleasant or unpleasant sensory phenomena may yield useful information about windows and walls. Suppose, for example, that your client reports that they didn’t enjoy the practice session because their mind

would not settle down. That indicates an obstacle you could offer strategy options around. Another example would be a Hedonic Check that yields useful information about the student’s skills—for example, the student reports that they enjoyed the practice session, even though they had a headache.

The process of checking needs to be done in a gentle, kind, and curious way—never in an interrogating manner.

In any given exchange, you may use several Checks to gather information. This interactive, algorithmic, data gathering process is at the heart of the UM approach. So, it’s helpful to be aware of the range of ways you can draw out information from students and assess their experience in order to be more helpful to them as a teacher. In fact, Checks often do not even need to take the form of an explicit question. For example, if someone is saying their spoken labels without maintaining a neutral tone, that information in itself may be enough to assess their understanding and it would not be necessary to ask the person a direct question.

Use Checks liberally. You never know when something will click into place—maybe the student’s memory is jarred and they reveal some useful detail, or you suddenly have clarity about what they are sharing.

Also, the information you get from Checks may be overlapping, but you may use it in different ways, depending on the Check. For example, when doing a Hedonic Check or a Windows and Walls Check, you may learn that the person’s experience is pleasant. But depending on the Check, you may use that information for different purposes—i.e., in the hedonic instance to appreciate the “reward flavor” or in the windows and walls instance, to strategically work with it.